Breathe, just Breathe

I have a nasty habit of being considerate, and when i do that i cant 'go out on  limb'.
EXAMPLE:
the first time i kissed Joy. IT TOOK FOREVER before i kissed her, and that time was about like... a month. Which, NOW, me looking back at it, maybe i should of done it earlier... if it would've saved us... *mental shrug*
So, yesterday, everything reminded me of her. And actually it got to the point where i shut myself off from the world and cried... I just miss her... and i see her EVERYDAY and i cant even look in her eyes... because i don't and cant attempt to see her any diffrently.. Because i strived to keep her, i did everything i could...
And every word Ive kept away from her couldve saved us and i hate myself for every single one i shut inside of me. I she knew maybe we would still be together... maybe Sarah wouldn't of happened, maybe i wouldn't b dating Kara either...  Maybe... we would've actually gotten married...
I have to go now... so much more to type but Ive already pushed back a crying scene at the llibrary..

Love,
peace,
and all </3